!

valentines day was nice for the most part.
I get to spend the majority of my weekend with my boyfriend at least.
we went to dinner and it was nice.

I dont really know what I wanted to say.
Im sick of being the way I am.
so insecure about everything.
I have this constant feeling that people are trying to take those most important to me away.
Im sick of having to convince myself that Im worth it.
that I shouldnt have any worries.

I think I have this undying grudge against women. and think they're all trying to make me miserable.

bleh

It's Monday again.

I had a great weekend with my boyfriend though.

he came to Venice beach with one of my best friends, her boyfriend and I.

it was really sweet and he was as beautiful as always.

but I woke up to depressing text messages and it just got me thinking.

especially since I was sitting in class without doing anything.

what kind of person would I be if I were to just let somebody give up?

on anything?

if I was a friend, or even a good person, I would do my best to keep my friends and family to their word, wouldn't you think?

that's not even the same situation, but I decided I couldn't let myself let her give up.

I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I knew I didn't do all I could to try.

people have so much to live for, and hardly any of them know it.

several people every day decide to throw their lives away, their futures.

people that live in the present have an almost reasonable look on life, but sometimes you just need to look ahead.

you need to decide what would be better for you and those around you in the long run.

there's no need to be selfish, or selfless, all the time, but they both have their moments.

I told her this morning that you have to believe things will get better.

you have to allow yourself to believe that things will turn up, no matter how tough it gets to wake up in the morning.

no matter how hard you fight for your or someone else's happiness, or even the privilege to say you're content...you just can't give up.

Every person has control of their life. they can give up, they can end their life at any single moment.

that's the easy way out.

and I have never thought that it would ever be worth it.

most of us find reasons to get up and move on in the morning.

everybody has a reason to get up in the morning. every person has a reason to go on.

and you can never stop fighting.

after the rain, the storms, the lightning and thunder, you can go on.

"you'd be surprised what you can live through."

I suggest that every person, every day, can stand up to the world and say that you're better.

situations thrown at you, haven't taken you down.

you're still fucking standing.

"Did you take me for a fool?

Or were you just too blind to see,

That every effort made has failed,

And there is no destroying me?"

night loves.

February 2

Im feeling red today.
iits tuesday night. nine forteen.
went to school today, heard some terrible news no one wants to hear.
made it through school, started volunteering at a shelter near by.
my mood picked up after school when I was with my best friend.
we cleaned the cats' cages for two hours and walked around for the last twenty or so.
it was fun

then went to ihop for her mom's birthday dinner. was good.
the people that worked there hardly spoke english and were getting frusterated with us haha.
we werent being rude, we werent being needy. she just got the order wrong
and we had to ask for refills and stuff.
we thought they hated us and probably ended up spitting in our food.
whatevs.

I love this man. I have for two and a half years.
you're>3<
you're greater than three, less than nothing.
I think he came up with that when he messed up trying to make a <3
and found a nice explanation for it :p
mily.

:o

Hm.
new to this, but I think it will be fun.
but its definitely eleven at night and I have school tomorrow.
Ill write tomorrow night?

I wont be good at this.
I wont have daily, maybe even weekly updates.
I might forget to input anything for a month or two.
but its okay.
you'll forgive me.

>3<