And I've started another chapter. With another person that seemed to "choose" me, running through our lives hand in hand. He gives me as much support as I feel like I've given him.
He has said I'm an addiction. That I've deserved better than what I've taken, and that I am exactly what he's wanted.
I was surprised to hear him say, "I'm not going anywhere," when I confessed my fears of loosing him.
I have been thinking about my life and what I should be doing with it, but with him, he's my first priority. I feel like I'm solely around to make him happy.
I want to go to school, I want to get a job to take care of myself. I want to be able to help him financially if he ever needed it.
I want to go to Australia.
This plan of mine is untouchable, Canada was just me being emo.. which I knew, of course. I planned on Canada when James left, and now I have a reason to stay. And I would stay for Jeremy.
So far things are going well.. I'm still scared he is going to get sick of me, but these are my normal insecurities.
What bothers me is that not everyone is happy. And I can't tell you how much I would like to confront a certain person once and for all. How I want to tell her exactly what happened because of her decisions over the passed year and a half. How some one's happiness has been in her hands alone. It makes me sick.
And I miss my best friend more than anything. I want to be able to talk to him like we used to. I want him to hug me and let me cry on his shoulder because he knows that's what he's there for. I want to rant about nothing, make fun of him, and sit outside enjoying the weather in a comfortable silence. I want to hear him laugh, just so I know he's still happy. I see the pictures and he's just as he's always been. And every day I think about if I had crossed his mind or if he's wanted to talk to me about anything.
I don't feel him around anymore.
But somehow, I manage. I've gotten through everything and I'm happy to wear a genuine smile. I'm passed the crying, the emptiness, the anxiety, and pain from the heartache. There's a man that trusts me beyond belief. A man that makes fun of himself to see me smile. Although it took a long time to see what was in front of me, he worked for it. He showed me what he was about, what I was worth and how I was different.
I can't thank him enough for opening my eyes again.
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| Mr. Jeremy Frank Anderson |
