Hmm..where to begin.
I'm living with a Miss
Arieface--again! Which is a great thing really. After our individual
heartache, our own paths, our own making or breaking of
relationships...I seem to always fall back around someone I can count
on.
About five months into RadioShack, seven months
with the sweet little boutique in Thousand Oaks, I'm still somehow
managing to keep it together. Working two jobs seemed impractical for my
easily-overwhelmed brain, but it's much easier than I ever expected it
to be. Saving money is the hard part, saving for something that will
hopefully flip my life around and actually give it some direction, serve
some meaning. Oh, to have a vehicle. (Which we're hoping for in
December, if things go according to plan!)
Ah, and the
love. Somehow the sweet boy on the other end of the phone line earlier
this year soon became my sanity. This man that I can remember so clearly
as a stranger, helping me more than a few times to get me a job at RadioShack. A couple months of referring to him as "the cute boy," actually not wanting it to go anywhere, giving advise for his relationship as he gave me advise for mine. And all of a sudden things got complicated. We both had things to get over, some little, some larger. And it's worked. So well, in fact, it's still hard to believe. Yes, the lovely honeymoon stages, the excitement, the lust, the I-miss-you-after-a-few-hours-of-being-without-you love. But god, is it refreshing. Something real, something so easy it's almost foreign to me. Something good.
On a repetitive topic, my best friend is still in my thoughts. In my heart as usual. The day she walked in with your baby completely destroyed me. Being so close to someone I have only been dreaming of meeting and holding since we've known each other. Sent a total shock through my boyfriend, by the way, just seeing my reaction to the quickest, faintest moments I've ever recalled. It had just taken too long for me to realize who she was, who your brother was carrying, and why I couldn't go and see her for the first time.
Unfortunately, I feel as if things will only get harder from here. My love moving slightly further away, into a place where I most likely will not be able to stay will be hard. But I adapt. I'll have to deal with it one way or another. And I'm still not sure, even sitting side-by-side with him tonight if spending as much time with him as I can is the best decision for my future mental state. And although I am completely ecstatic to get a car, I know that will only bring more financial and mechanical problems to the table. More freedom, more responsibilities, like somehow not heading to the ocean every week because I need to get to work tomorrow.
Good things come to those who wait...
...and work their ass off for it.
I’m on a mission to the sky with the stars in my eyes
Yet the weather won’t compromise.
Like a ball on a chain that is strapped to my brain
I’m a prisoner inside of my dreams.
So I will appreciate the future of a day
Where the clouds open up and scream
And I sing now,
I ain't gonna spend my time wondering why I never made it,
I’ve already made it.
