you need to pull through this. you need to make it out all right. you and all your you-ness.
not just for me, of course. your family. your baby girl. we need you.
i cant tell you how much it pained me not to talk to you how we normally would. how i couldnt stand there next to you holding your hand. and you telling me how it was going to be okay. because i needed that. anyone else could tell me. my boyfriend, my arie, my manager, your brother and sister. but i needed you. i was there for you. im just happy you made a point to tell me to come.
i wanted to kiss and hold your baby. i wanted to cry with you because i know you would have let go enough to cry with me too.
you cant leave me yet. you need to pull through this.
i dont want you to buy breakfast. i want you to stay here with me.
i wonder if you will dream of me tonight as you finally get some rest. i wonder if ill be as close as your third or fourth thought when you get out of surgery. i wonder if you even think of me as much as i think of you in a week. i wonder if you know that if you leave this world, i will never be the same. and that i wouldnt have gotten the chance to be a part of your daughters life.
i would still get our tattoo. i would still bring myself to listen to our songs and learn to remember where we've been and what we've done instead of cursing the universe to have leading me to my ultimate doom.
but i cant keep thinking about what i would do if you were gone. i have to start thinking about where we will go and what we will do. im just so scared.
i wanted to be able to hand you my butterfly. just so you can do as i have done the passed seven years to keep you with me even when we couldnt be there.
i love you..so much. and i hope and wish and pray/beg for the best tomorrow morning and that ill hear from you soon. keep me in your thoughts, for you're in mine.
