death and religion

death. I'm scared as hell of it, personally.  I don't know what happens when a person dies, but honestly, I'm convinced nothing happens. and don't take that the wrong way, I believe life has meaning. I'm not that bitter atheist that thinks we're all just here aimlessly walking this cruel world. not at all.

what bothers me is that I literally feel bad for sharing my thoughts on this. I try not to cross the subject because I unfortunately have no faith in the human race to be understanding. in fear of that ninety percent of the population will look down on me, simply because I don't follow their religion.
I was raised christian. and once my mother had stopped attending church, I had plenty of time to develop my own ideas. in school, I found a love for science. I became completely infatuated with it-- the atoms, cells, molecules.. the assurance that scientists had facts and reasons behind everything. that everything made sense.
I believe in coincidence, although I often wish I had the strength to believe in a higher power of any sort. I think I would be a happier person, really.
I know that there is good, bad, suffering and utter happiness. I believe in good inside of people, but I also believe that everything is made up of choices.

but death is something I don't understand.
and as many people do, I long to know what happens. I don't want to be proven wrong or right, I just don't enjoy something so serious being a mystery. I think people should be prepared for that kind of thing.

and if there were to be a heaven and hell.. I honestly think despite my ignorance towards god's "rules," he would want me in heaven. I don't believe that I could ever be such a terrible person, or make such bad decisions that he wouldn't want me there.. if anything, I think god and all of his seemingly mystical threats are only ones hyped up by the people over time. if a man had created all of this for us, he has to be a good guy, right? I don't believe such a man would shun you for giving into temptation. a god I would want to believe in has the utmost understanding, as he should. he created this glorious world. he created us individually for a reason, knowing what each of us is like. why wouldn't he be understanding?