This happiness...

I don't know what I would do without you. I have made you my everything, despite my first doubts. I love you so incredibly much and put you before all else. I love everything about you. The way you look at me, the way you laugh at me. Your arms holding me close and the smirk you get when I wake you up.

But I suppose, in all reality, things couldn't have stayed perfect. As perfect as our whole relationship has been, as perfect as the thought you had when we first met.

And you were so convinced of our possibility. Our potential happiness wasn't hard to see, I was just reluctant to open my eyes. My eyes were opened the first time our relationship showed an imperfection. Not the second night of knowing you, when you were so sure you wanted me to be yours, and you mine, but a couple weeks after. I got into your car, looked into your eyes and said, "I'm yours."  Your first question showed disbelief, but the smile on your face... That smile of yours could weaken my knees from miles away.

You showed me a happiness I fear I'd forgotten. Even on this night, I do not doubt this happiness or the love I feel. Even on this night, where I've spent hours upon hours in tears, ending up on the phone with you saying we'll take a break... We both know my feelings for you.

Frankly, you cannot find this easily. You cannot find a person that is capable of promising you their everything. Yesterday as well as today, tomorrow, and the days to come, I stand in front of you promising you my everything. I have given you all of me every day of our relationship, and I have no problem keeping it up. You deserve it. And more, if I were being honest. I believe I've promised you the world, anyways.

I understand the kind of situation you're coming from. It's awful, it's unfair, and it's wrong. I will not give you a biased opinion because my heart is on the line. And you know this. Before the mention of a break,  I'm glad you gave me credit for being level-headed and understanding that I was giving advise based on your happiness alone.

I'm ashamed to say that I actually begged. I crossed my personal line of comfort and begged the girl tearing things down in my life. Honestly, I didn't think it could hurt. 
And I'm sorry for that. I don't mean to make you feel awful. But you do need to take into consideration that you are interfering with other's relationships. Their happiness.

If you ever wish to speak with me, please do. I welcome it. No, I'm not happy with you. But I'm never really interested in enemies. Honestly, if you need another person to talk with, to vent, to get you out of the house. I don't doubt you're a wonderful person, the way I see it is that you have to be to be a part of his life.

I can end this as I started it. I'm madly in love with an extraordinary man. I don't have much of his past, or technically his present. I will always feel this way about him. I will always strive for his happiness above my own. Our relationship up to this past week has been nearly untouchable. No doubt the healthiest I've ever come by. So much happiness in such a short amount of time is really not fair...But I am so grateful for every second I got out of it. I love you, James Clayton Hazlewood.

Normally I go with, "words can't even describe," but I put out some good effort.

Good night, bloggers.