Bitterness is seeping out of me.

I know that I should not be doing this. That this will be the most immature and angry post I'd ever thought of doing. But I feel like if I can't really tell anyone and wouldn't tell anyone directly that need to hear it...I still need to get it out someplace. And where would I be able to find a better audience?

You people have the nerve to apologize? Does it make you feel better? Put your mind at ease so you can sleep at night?
When I get to sit here helpless of what may come, heart breaking, eyes burning...and you think "sorry" cuts it? Honestly, I think that if either of you are truly sorry, you'd change something. Like the thing you feel the need to be apologizing for. But I suppose that would make too much sense.

I love you more than anything. But I am so...angry with you. I'm so broken at this point, so confused. I don't know how I can look back at the moments we've had, the things you've said to me, and still believe the nonsense you let come out of your mouth. I don't know how you could have been in tears the night I told you we wanted different things and I didn't want to be with you. You were about to walk for hours, leaving your car with me at my friend's house. I don't know how you can ask me something to ensure I loved you...simply because you didn't want to loose me and you were falling more in love with me each day. And how can you do or say these things and throw us away.
I might even feel used, if I had reason to believe it so. You're being a damn fool. And you realize this, but what, you think you can convince yourself it's worth it? Don't make me laugh.
Giving your heart back to the woman that has had it for a year and a half and never thought anything of it? She kept you around because, yeah she cared about you and your happiness, you just weren't worth her heart at the time. And the second she feels like she can't handle the loneliness, she remembers that there has been this incredible man by her side the whole time. This incredible person that she knows would do anything she wished to make her smile. She realizes slowly that she took this person for granted, and now he's in a loving, happy relationship. One that he couldn't complain a day about.
And you seem to not understand...That she is selfish. She can talk to you, sure. But saying that she now wants to be with you? That maybe she was thinking about you and how happy you always made her... how maybe she messed up and should have taken you when she had the chance. And she knows that you would still give her the time of day. Because you're that nice of a guy. You want to be with someone that interferes with other's relationships. Someone that...almost thought twice about saying anything. But with the sadness/hopelessness coming over her, she didn't know what else to do. To make herself happy.
When you were perfectly content. Sure, missed her from time to time, but that's understandable. I could have gone on being happy knowing you missed her sometimes. As you could have accepted that I missed Bret. We could have been fine, as we were on our worst days.

And the funny thing is...I'm still in love with you. I had other options. Before and after you... but you made me want you. You made me love you. I still don't want to go to sleep in anyone else's arms. I don't want to look into someone else's eyes trying to achieve the same happiness--it'd be a lie. I don't believe I could have a relationship as ours was with another person. I can't imagine clicking so well with someone else...hah.
We were perfect, and there's no denying it. I'm not exaggerating or being ex-girlfriend-crazy... We were the happiest two people I knew of. We were that couple you saw that were wrapped within each other. Those people that looked into each other's eyes and got giddy...every time.

I will continue later, bloggers. I'm probably not even close to done.